Category: Column

  • Deer Mikel

    Mikel Planomaniac

    Deer Mikel,
    I have been feeling uncomfortable with a parent of one of the kids my kid hangs out with. The kids are young, single digits, and every time they hang out, because they are a boy and a girl the other parent will often refer to it as a date, and will often joke about them being boyfriend and girlfriend. I am struggling to know how to talk to the parent and put into words why I find this so gross. Can you share your —?
    Signed Consciously Uncomfortable

    Deer uncomfortable,

    I feel this falls into the category of something that is really normalized in our society to say to kids, and here’s why that can be problematic.

    Kids want to engage in growing up; when we push/suggest the relationships they are having towards “dating” we aren’t allowing and valuing their friendships for what they are (which we tend to do this with adults too). Our friendships are some of the most valuable connections we have, and nurturing those relationships is just as important as with someone we are dating. The goal  should be to find folks that feel supportive, safe, where you can be yourself and grow. Practice our boundaries, emotions, and communicating, and then maybe one day choose to explore dating. Kids in their single digits can have big feelings and appreciation for each other, but the framework of dating is something they will mimic and focus on because we as adults have introduced that idea.

    It also brings up our inherited heteronormativity; we wouldn’t make that assumption if it were two kids of the same gender or more queer presenting kids, we are presuming and imposing our framework of relationships to push our kids into a relationship archetype that might not fit them.

    This being said, this parent is probably well intentioned and just regurgitating something they have heard time and time again. I would suggest being transparent and letting them know that’s not the relationship framework that you are focusing on with your kids at this point.  It’s can be uncomfortable to advocate for our kids, and takes practice and understanding what works best for you. This invites them to understand your perspective; hopefully they are open to understanding your boundaries and your kids can just keep being kids and exploring the wonder of friendship and relationships.

    Go you—advocating for your kid!!!

    Love Mikel

  • Locavore

    Rose Dickson

    Hello, readers!
    It’s been a while. This seasonal transition from Summer to Fall felt like a good time to jump back in to sharing my passion for local food, community and connection to the land.

    Earlier this summer, after visiting the bustling barn of a lovely friend and neighbour, we decided we would get some Bantam hens from them. There were a couple of broody hens sitting on a large shared nest, and newly hatched chicks ran about peeping. I’ve raised a few chickens in the past, but not here on Denman, so had no infrastructure for them. Getting smaller hens meant I could house them in a smaller area, which felt manageable to build. Also, they were described as feisty in the face of predators, and a little bit more wild than bigger hens. This appealed to me because maybe they would scare off the ravens, known for stealing local eggs. And so, it was settled. We would build a coop and run, and return for some chickens as soon as we were ready.
    This last week we finally completed our fully-enclosed run, and made the highly anticipated trip to get our new girls. Six tiny little chickens had been selected for us, and were jumping boisterously about in their crate. When I opened it up back home, they flew out in a tizzy and began exploring the boundaries of their new run. They quickly settled into pecking at snacks, self-grooming, and contentedly following each other around in the afternoon sun. I admired their mottled plumage, and appreciated that our friend had chosen birds with a nice variety of colouring for us. All was well in the world, and my half acre felt particularly idyllic with the addition of these tweety little sweeties.

    That night, I made a mistake. Instead of trusting that my new birds would find their way into the coop once it was dark enough for them, I tried herding them towards the little door. Panic ensued, and they flew up, scattering in all directions. I foolishly tried again, inducing more panicked flapping. Suddenly we realized that one bird had squeezed her way out of an area of fencing with slightly larger gaps. She was outside the run. I immediately went out and tried corralling her back through the door, but she ran as fast as her tiny legs would carry her, circling my field of rabbit hutches and then bee-lining for the forest. It turns out, the fencing that keeps dogs and deer on their respective sides does nothing to stop a young Bantam hen.

    We followed that hen around in the deepening dusk for over an hour, hoping that her night-time instinct would kick in and subdue her urgent need to keep away from us. She lost me for a while in the forest at the edge of my lot, only to turn up a few minutes later in the yard again. She clearly wanted to get back in with her siblings, who were calling to her from inside the run. But since her strongest urge was to run away from me, I wasn’t sure how to help her. I wondered why on earth I’d thought wild and feisty were good traits in a chicken!? We ended up losing sight of her again in a thick patch of salal as night descended in earnest. We realized we had to give up, and would resume our search in the morning. Our remaining young hens, for the record, marched straight into the coop of their own volition as soon as they were ready, as if they’d always lived there.

    The next day brought no sign of our escapee. I kept hearing birds in the bushes, but they were never her. I would think I heard the tweeting pattern she’d called out to her sisters the night before, only to trace it to some wild birds up in a tree. We wondered where else to search, and what we could do if we did spot her. But we never saw even a glimpse, and so mourned the loss of our sixth hen. I reinforced their run with some finer fencing where it was needed. I accepted that I had five chickens. Five was enough, they were still cute and would do all the things we wanted them for. But the guilt of what had happened nagged at me.

    The next morning, five little hens came out of their coop. Five hens eyed me suspiciously as they ate up the scratch I threw for them. I returned a couple of hours later to refresh their water and saw five hens again. Then in the afternoon, I brought over some sunflower seed treats, only to find the run empty. I could hear cooing coming from inside the coop, so I clicked my tongue in hopes of calling them outside. To my delight, they started filing down the ramp, their curiosity over-riding their suspicion of me. My delight turned to awe as six little chickens walked down that ramp.

    I am struck by the tenacity of her remaining hidden from two humans, cats and dogs for a day and a half while eyeing up the coop in the middle of the yard for just the right spot in the fencing, and flying back in to be with her flock. I think of her surviving two nights in our yard and forest, with cats, rats, wild birds, possibly mink and raccoon. Surviving the wild and choosing to return to the cush life of sunflower seed treats and beautiful sisters. I look forward to earning the trust of these ladies. Stay wild and feisty, Denman.